I think the word that most people would use to describe me is calm. In fact, at school one of the teachers did tell me he liked me because I’m calm. Seeing that written down makes it sound incredibly creepy, but it honestly wasn’t, I think it was just a case of him acknowledging the fact that I was happy to quietly get on with things rather than craving attention like some of the other girls.
I’m fairly certain the word calm has been mentioned in work evaluations and other similar settings as well. Sometimes people will mistake calmness for shyness but that’s not right, if I’m not talking it’s not because I’m nervous or timid it’s just that I either have nothing to say and am happy to listen to what you are saying or I just don’t want to talk to you and am busy planning my escape, tee hee.
My calm exterior is mostly a true reflection of what’s happening inside as I am one of life’s natural stoics, rather than agonise over what could be or could have been I prefer to focus on what has actually happened. This doesn’t mean I never feel angry, anxious or annoyed though but perhaps I’m able to contain those feelings as I have a secret weapon. I know that if I start to feel overwhelmed, I can hit reset by stepping away and going for a walk. Even if I can’t get away immediately it still helps to work out when I will be able to go as then I can tell myself you only have to put up with this until x time and then you can step away.
Just as computers can crash or overheat and cease to function properly, so can we. We know that when machines are struggling we need to turn them off and on again but we don’t always extend ourselves the same courtesy. Rather than shouting at yet another email pinging into my inbox or pulling my hair out because that nitwit has still not sent me the information I need, even after the umpteemth time of asking; I take a breath and acknowledge that I’m overreacting, my system is overloaded and it’s time to reboot. It’s time for a stroll.
I do like the idea that people see me walking and probably assume I’m enjoying a soothing stroll as I appear to be contentedly ambling along, but there will be times when my internal monologue is anything but calm: “why do they keep jeffing well asking me how to do xyz? Have they never heard of google? And why the fudge does so & so always reply all? I don’t need to know you thanked the sender for the information. And for pity’s sake when are we going to get some sunshine?” Grr!
By literally stepping away from the stressful situation, I allow myself time to mentally vent, to reset my mood and return relaxed, refreshed and reenergised. My system has been reset and I’m ready to start again.
While in my case the juxtaposition between my external calm composure and my inner furious frustrations is amusing, it is also an important reminder that no matter how people seem on the outside we never know what’s really going on so it’s always best to be kind.
That’s how I stroll.
Soothing Strolls 
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